Happy Birthday

Two of my three children have March birthdays so we've had a busy birthday week. Harriet turned 2 on the 17th and Tanna turned 5 on the 22nd. Just to make things more busy, on the 21st we had a pool party to celebrate them and their two cousins who also have March birthdays. 

I love birthdays and try to make the day special for them without going overboard.

Harriet got woken up with cupcakes and cookies for her 2 year old debut then finished the day with her favorite, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

Tanna got to go see a movie with me. (Side note: Cinderella is a beautiful movie)  Then we finished off the day with breakfast for supper (Tanna's choice) and cake.

I can't believe how big these kids are getting!!! I love it and hate it at the same time. Here are pictures of our week.

(Doctors appt and vaccines. Not fun but necessary)

BOW (Becoming an Outdoors Woman)

This weekend I did something I've never done before. I attended my first BOW workshop. 

"What is BOW?", you ask.

BOW stands for- Becoming an Outdoors Woman. (As you may have read 2.5 seconds ago in the title of this post) 

According to their website: 

"BOW's Fall and Winter Workshops are the best place for women new to the outdoors to begin their journey. Workshops run Friday night through Sunday afternoon. These weekends are filled with a variety of outdoor skill classes, evening programs, campfires and fun!"

It was exactly that. 

I loved it. Connecting with nature, learning skills I've always wanted to and meeting some kick-ass women from all over.

I made upcycled sweater mittens, learned how to keep my feet warm by making some homemade boot socks, went snowshoeing (in SUBZERO TEMPERATURES), slept in a bunk bed, met a K9 conservation officer, hiked to a yurt, ate wonderful food, drank wine, had a campfire, played games and most importantly...RECHARGED!!!!

I highly recommend it to anyone. They offer BOW programs in 36 states but Minnesota offers the largest amount of programs. Everything from kayaking to rifle safety courses to weekend retreats. It's some seriously cool and empowering stuff. 

Here is their website to copy and paste in your browser if you want to check it out. 

http://dnr.state.mn.us/education/bow/index.html

Here are some pictures of the fun I had. 

Kids' Room

We live in a small house so organization is KEY. 

 Although we are still deep in the clutches of Old Man Winter up here in the Northland, I can't help but do some "spring cleaning."

(I'm not about to be stuck inside cleaning when the actual spring arrives)

Today's project was the kids' room. All three share the space so it gets cluttered...like really cluttered. Here are some before pictures.

So what was my solution????

Bunk the beds and declutter.

I hauled junk out by the arm loads. 

Here is their new and improved bedroom. Complete with floor space to actually play. They love it!!!

And I love it too. Now there is a place for everything and everything is in it's place...just like I like it. 

Man's World

"This is a man's world, this is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl"

I love this James Brown song. I use it as my mantra when I choose to do a project that breaks stereotypical gender roles. 

I want my daughters to learn that men are valuable and wonderful. That being said, I also want them to learn they don't need a man to save them. 

So what's the best way to teach them this??

By showing them.

Yesterday, we received some snow. Instead of waiting for my husband to come home and plow us out, I bundled up and headed out myself to use the snowblower. I cleared the ENTIRE driveway. 

Not only did I show my kids that mommy's can run machinery and do "worker jobs" (Their words, not mine) but I also felt very empowered. 

I wasn't trapped by our schedules or my husband's absence. It felt good. 

When Paul got home, he was also very relieved that he didn't have to stay up til midnight moving snow. 

It was a win/win!!

It's nice being part of a team with my husband. I love my job as a full time mommy and homemaker but it sure is nice to prove to myself that I can roll with the big boys some time. 

"This is a man's world, this is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl"

True that James Brown!!!

Parenting 101

Ok, so maybe I passed the parenting 101 course but even after nearly 5 years of being a parent, I am constantly striving to be better, do better, love more and be present. It's a never ending course in self-betterment and unconditional love.

I continually get questions from friends and family on where I get my patience. I always tell them the same thing. I dig deep, some days deeper than others, and even then, I can still lose my marbles. 

If I'm being completely honest, I DO have some super secret parenting I'm about to let you in on. Ok, maybe not so SUPER secret but these are the things that help me get through my busy days with 3 willful, creative, lovely, exhausting children.

1- Support. A lot of support. I am lucky to have a kick ass husband, a mom and sister who live next door and the best friends in the entire world. It's nice to have a wide safety net and sounding board for when I need it. Totally necessary for successful parenting.

2- Meditation- no joke.  I squeak out 10-20 minutes each morning for deep breathing and relaxation. It's an easy way to get centered, refocus and re-energize. Seriously, try it!!

3- Expert advice- Unfortunately parenting does NOT come with a manual. However, fortunately for us modern parents, there are moms and dads who have walked this road before us and willingly share their stories, advice, tips and tricks. Even if I don't prescribe 100% to one specific "method" of parenting, I enjoy learning what works (and what doesn't) for others.  One of my favorite "can't live without" experts are Todd and Cathy Adams of Zen Parenting Radio. They seriously rock. Their message is positive but not prescriptive. They tackle parenting issues and offer gentle parenting solutions. I really can't say enough good things about them. They have seriously changed the way I parent. **Check them out:

http://zenparentingradio.com

Last but not least is my favorite super "secret" parenting tip-

4-Coffee, water and wine. 

Coffee to give me a jump start, water all day to keep me healthy and a relaxing glass of wine once or twice of week to unwind. 

Heck, if you are an overachiever you could do all my tips at once: Have a glass of wine with a friend, while meditating, and listening to Zen Parenting.

Bam, next stop Super Momdom. 

Ok, maybe that's a bit aggressive. These tips are not magic but I guarantee you'll feel at least a little better.

So tell me, what gives YOU parenting super powers?

** I am in no way affiliated with Zen Parenting Radio. I am simply a fan. 

 

Gender Creativity

Those of you who know me know that I live my life out loud.  I share a lot of photos and activities that I do with my family.  I do this for a couple reasons: 1)I generally love my life and have a tendency to share and gush about things that float my boat 2)I live in a fairly isolated part of the world (unless you count bears and the occasional porcupine?) I like to share my days and children with family and friends in an effort to stay connected to them.  I love that my in-laws can share in my children’s lives even when they can’t be right here.  It is the wonderful side of using social media.

See what I mean about the porcupine??

 

I have realized that there is one aspect of my life that I haven’t particularly addressed and that is Tanner’s gender creativity.  We obviously aren’t hiding it, a fact that is quite evident in the 650 photos I post annually to Facebook.  As he gets older and continues with his non-conformist ways, I find myself fielding more questions or WORSE encountering well-intentioned moms and friends who decide to not broach the subject for fear of offending me or not saying “the right” thing.  I’m here to answer ALL your questions, in one handy dandy blog post.

 

*Side note:  I’d like to preface my Q&A with the fact that I FIRMLY believe we live in a society that misguidedly forces gender roles on to their children.  I don’t think we are doing it with ill-intention.  However, I feel that promoting the individual by listening to and promoting likes and desires will get you MUCH, MUCH farther than putting our children into either a pink or blue box and ALL that entails.**

 

Let’s start with the doozey I get asked: Why does he wear dresses, leggings, “girl clothes”?

I don’t know.  Why are you wearing jeans?  It’s really just that simple. He likes them.  They are comfortable him and make him happy, which is the general purpose of fashion isn’t it?

What does Paul think?

Have any of you met Paul??  He has been bending the rules of what is “normal” for YEARS.  From his long hair, to his speedo um….I mean choice of swimwear, Paul is a born rule-breaker.  He asks the question why not?  He follows his heart and speaks his mind in gentle, respectful way that I can’t help but be in awe of his charisma.  So, in short, I can’t speak for him but I can guess that Paul would say something fabulously simple to convey his unconditional love and support for all 3 of our children.

 

Does he dress himself?

(This seems silly but I have gotten asked this.) Yes, both Emmy Lu and Tanner get to pick their own clothes and get dressed themselves EVERY day. (And I have started practicing with Hattie too) If we have a place to go, I might make a couple suggestions but the final choice and task of getting dressed is left to them. (With minor help from me with buttons, ties, etc)  It is an important part of development for children that fosters independence and creativity so yes, I don’t only “let him” dress himself, I basically make him.

 

Are you a boy or a girl?

Tanner just got asked this on the playground yesterday by another child. “Girl,” he said.  “Ok,” said the child and they continued off playing.  Right now Tanner identifies more with being female, he calls himself a girl.  While pretending, he prefers to be the princess (mainly Elsa), or mommy vs. being the prince or daddy.  Again, we don’t tell him that either is right or wrong, only that he can be whoever he wants to be.

 

Are you raising all of your children without gender?

No we aren’t. Rather than having all gendered or all non-gendered activities/toys/etc, I just try to focus my attention on individuality.  Each person is unique with a set of likes/dislikes, interests and passions.  Each of my children express their own interests that I try to cultivate.  None of us fit into just one predetermined category, which is why I am a juxtaposition of happy housewife circa 1950 and raging feminist. 

Is he gay?

He’s 4.  His sexual preference is not even on our radar yet.  Our main goal is to raise happy, loving, well-adjusted people.  However, if in the future, any of our children feel in their heart that loving a person of the same sex is important to them then they will have a family who still loves, supports and encourages them.  Again, it’s really that simple.

 

What do you (Heidi) think about it?

As a mama bear, I can’t help but want to shield all of my children from hurt and harm.  I realize that individuality isn’t always valued and celebrated by others as it is in our home.  I worry about him encountering unkind or ignorant children and adults. However, I find comfort in the fact that I can build my children’s self-esteem and give them tools to deal with any of the struggles they may face in their lives.  It is why I pour so much of myself into parenting.  I am not raising children, I am raising future adults (hopefully REALLY cool and likeable adults).

Is this why you decided to homeschool?

I’m not going to lie and say this had ZERO influence our decision to homeschool but it actually had very little.  I want to homeschool for a variety of different reasons and because it resonates with my heart and soul as the right direction for us to try right now.  You can read about that here.

 

Lastly, How should we treat him?

Obviously, people don’t ask this question but I can tell that some people are uncomfortable or unsure with how to react when he talks about being a girl, etc.  My advice is to treat him like the smart, articulate child he is.  He is very special, but not because he wears dresses.  He is special for a million other reasons.  He has ability to read people and situations like no other.  He is kind and sweet.  He is easy to laugh and tells ridiculously confusing “knock-knock” jokes. He has taught me so much about myself and smiles every single time I tell him that he was the first one to teach me how to be a mommy.  As my sister said, “I think Tanner is just so special.  He is going to teach all of us so much about life.  He already has, and he’s only 4!”

He’s just a boy (or girl) who likes to wear dresses (or not).  It’s just that simple.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask or e-mail me @ heidi_lynnc@hotmail.com

 

Also, there are TONS of resources out there for gender creative kids or gender non-conformist kids.  It’s easy to individualize an issue to a particular family or child but there are literally THOUSANDS of families with little boys and girls who don’t fit in the gender boxes assigned to them by society. 

http://raisingmyrainbow.com/

http://gendercreativekids.ca/

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/12/magazine/whats-so-bad-about-a-boy-who-wants-to-wear-a-dress.html

Easter Sunday

Since we aren't Christians, Easter isn't a huge deal to to us but even us Humanists like a reason to get together with loved ones, celebrate spring and new beginnings. Our weekend started off rocky. We had plans to spend the entire weekend at my sister's house but when we were almost there we got a call saying that my niece had the stomach flu :( poor girl. We turned the van around and drove the 1.5 hours back home. The kids were bummed but were troopers. It ended up being a nice weekend to be home and enjoy each other. With Paul's crazy work schedule that isn't as easy as it sounds. The weather was perfect and we had a great day. I hope your Easter Sundays were spent exactly as you liked too!