Acceptance and Unconditional Love

My last post on Gender Creativity got an OVERWHELMING response. (including a reader in France who reached out and offered a kind supportive email).  Who knew that people around the WORLD were reading the ramblings of a Northwoods Minnesota Mama???

Crazy huh?

If you missed it, read it HERE.

Most of the response was really, REALLY good.  People telling me it warmed their heart and that I was such a good mom.  All of which made me feel really good about myself.  However, the bigger message in my blog was not individual to Tanner, or me, or even my parenting style.  As I go back and reread my own words, I see that it is really about acceptance and unconditional love.

It is about supporting ALL of my children in the choices they make and finding their true selves.  Their happy place.  A place to not only thrive but SOAR. Accepting who they are and helping them do the same for themselves.

Each day, I find a new pocket of my heart that wasn’t there before.  A place that used to be filled with sass and wild oats to be sewn. A space that is now being replaced with the sort of love that brings tears to my eyes.  I think THAT is what they call unconditional love.  I will love you no matter what, through everything, because of everything and despite of everything.  THAT kind of love.

So, if my post made anyone on this planet think a little deeper about accepting those who are different and loving them through it, then I am happy.  If it made someone think twice about how we love our children, about how simple it is to choose love and acceptance over fear and shame then I am full. Then one more of those unknown pockets of my heart just got filled with a little more love for humanity.

So thank you for your love, support, acceptance and understanding.  It surely goes a long way in this world.

 

-Heidi

Easter Sunday

Since we aren't Christians, Easter isn't a huge deal to to us but even us Humanists like a reason to get together with loved ones, celebrate spring and new beginnings. Our weekend started off rocky. We had plans to spend the entire weekend at my sister's house but when we were almost there we got a call saying that my niece had the stomach flu :( poor girl. We turned the van around and drove the 1.5 hours back home. The kids were bummed but were troopers. It ended up being a nice weekend to be home and enjoy each other. With Paul's crazy work schedule that isn't as easy as it sounds. The weather was perfect and we had a great day. I hope your Easter Sundays were spent exactly as you liked too!

Picking our Path

Lately our family has been weighing a very important decision, a decision on whether to send our kids to public school or home school them.  There are many schools of thought on which is “better” or “worse.” I use those words in quotes because they are totally subjective.  I have put in a lot of thought and countless hours of research.  We have come to a preliminary decision that as of the 2014-2015 school year, our children will learn here, in our own home, with me as their instructor.  Since both Tanner and Emmy Lu are of preschool age, it will give us a trial year to see if it really is a right fit for us before Tanner’s kindergarten year.  And honestly, after talking to a couple trusted home-schooling moms I know, i have learned that pre-school at home really isn’t much different than what I am already doing.  We already do daily work on social-emotional development, letter and number recognition, fine and gross motor development, and creative/musical activities.  I am excited to create a space in our house specifically designated to school (can anyone else smell the DIY possibilities here???).  I thought I would just like to share our decision with friends and family in a buzzfeed style list give our “Top 5 Reasons for Deciding to Home School.”

 

1. Child-led learning:  I want to follow my children’s lead on how they learn best and offer them the most individualized education possible.  It’s simply unrealistic, in even the best public schools, that each child would be encouraged to discover and develop his/her individual strengths to their full potential.  On the flip side of this, if one of my children faces a struggle, I will be there to give one on one help/support.  I really can’t think of a better option than that.

 

2. Flexibility:  We are a family of free-spirits.  Although I plan on having our school days structured and routine (much like our days are currently), I look forward to the freedom of deciding our school year schedule.  We won’t be tied down bus waiting for the bus, or early releases, or snow days.  How liberating!!  For a free bird like myself, this is a BIG draw. If its a nice day, we will have the complete freedom to taking our learning outdoors and not be tied down to a brick and mortar building. 

 

3. Efficiency: Because of the individual attention and individualized learning plans I will be able to teach my children we will really be able to streamline learning.  When a child masters a skill or lesson, we will be able to move on immediately instead of waiting for an entire classroom before moving on.  The flip side of this, again, is more attention to subjects or concepts they may struggle with.  As their teacher, I will be able to interpret their individual needs to help them have the most comprehensive and efficient education we can.

 

4. Creativity- I want my kids to be able to play and explore like kids as long as possible.  I want them to build forts, have hours and hours to explore the yard and woods.  I want them to dress up, and imagine, and create worlds in the heads.  I think that by creating a space in which they are encouraged to do this, their limits are endless. 

 

5. Because I can, I want to, and it feels right:  I totally know that homeschooling is not for everyone.  Some people may even decide to label us as “weird” for our decision to try it.  To that I can only respond that we are following our hearts.  I have thought about home-schooling since before Tanner was born but had since pushed it aside, not to be thought of again…until recently.  It resurfaced and started picking at me.  I started looking into what goes into homechool and I have no other way to describe it other than it just feels right for us.  At the very least, it deserves a trial school year. It’s something I really want to do and feel I could do very well.  Of all the things in my life, I am probably most passionate about my parenting.  So really, after taking some time to let the possibility swirl around in my head for a while, the decision came easily. 

 

We are excited about the possibilities and what path this adventure will lead us!!  I can’t wait to have little school with my little people.  Now, onto planning that school room……

Love so much it hurts

I don’t know if it’s the weather, or hormones, or sleep deprivation or a combo of all 3 that have made me so emotional today but today I have had three of those “Hurts So Good” moments.

 

The moment your baby wakes in her crib and says “Ma-Ma-Ma” as you walk in to greet her.

 

The moment when your wiry 2 year old climbs on you lap and snuggles in her blanket “nest” as she lists all the people she loves. (Grandma Barnes, Auntie Sadie and Dora rounded out the LONG list)

 

The moment when your (almost) 4 year old say “Mommy, I know what B-A-T spells.  Bat!” and is so proud of his new found reading skills that you can physically FEEL him beaming.

 

The moment when your heart feels so full that it feels it might just burst.

 

The moment when you are nearly moved to tears because of pride, awe, love and thankfulness.

The moment that cancels out all the moments of doubt, regret and self-consciousness.

 

The moment when you feel with every single part of your being that you are doing this right, that your children are thriving and loving and growing.

 

The moment you know what it means to love so much it hurts.

 

It’s amazing and humbling to feel this.

 

And then it passes and you are back to setting “sharing timers,” and cleaning up spills, and breaking up spats, and changing diapers, and worrying about their futures and chugging enough coffee to get through it all. All the while hoping the memory of these moments will keep you fueled through all the muck.  That they will keep you full until the next time their purity, sweetness, and love shines through brighter than anything else. 

These moments are just enough to reassure you to carry on and continue your work as a teacher and a mom because these rewards of a full heart are better than any job could ever pay.

 

So keep calm and carry on.  Your moments of heart-bursting bliss might be just around the corner, waiting to fill you up.

Fast Forward

Ok Moms, we've all been there. The well-intentioned older lady at the checkout telling us to "cherish every moment."

Well, I am calling bullsh*#

With 3 little ones, there are certainly times I'd like to fast forward. Tonight was one if them. No joke, it's 3:45am and I'm nursing Hattie while blogging, strategically planning how I can squeak just one uninterrupted hour of sleep for my fever-ridden, sinus-congested body. 

Let me give you a rundown of events that have transpired since 7:30pm.

**note: All 3 kids are sick, as am I. Our normal sick day sleeping arrangements go as follows: Paul, Hattie and Me in our room, Emmy in the kids' room and Tanner in the back/spare room.

7:30pm- Emmy and Tanner down for bed. Hattie is crying because I had to put her down mid-feeding to do this.

8:00pm- get Hattie to sleep 

8:30pm: Tanner wakes up sweating and crying 

8:40pm: get Tanner back to sleep 

8:45pm: Hattie coughs and wakes herself up crying

8:47pm: Emmy Lu wakes up screaming

Guess I won't be watching Law and Order SVU tonight.

9:00pm: get Hattie swaddled and back to bed (meanwhile Emmy is crying for me on the living room)

9:01-9:30pm: Rub Emmy's back and get her to sleep.

10:00pm: Paul gets home!!!! FINALLY BACK UP HAS ARRIVED. We talk for no more than 10 minutes 

10:15pm: I decided to go lay down.

10:30pm: Emmy wakes up in a fevered fit. I go to help her but her screaming wakes up Hattie so Paul comes to comfort sick little Emmy while I tend to baby.

10:30pm-1am intermittent bouts of screaming, coughing, crying by Emmy which unintentionally wakes a resting Hattie. Paul and I divide and conquer. He takes Emmy duty in her room. I have baby in ours. 

1am- Emmy pukes in her room, forcing Paul to set up camp in the living room with her as the puke stuff gets thrown in the laundry tub to be dealt with AFTER SUNRISE.

Can this get any better? 

2:00 am: Tanner comes in my room to tell me he is "coughy" and has to pee. I help him back to bed and lay next to him. 

2:30 am: Sneak back to bed, checking on the couch campers (Emmy and Paul) first. Paul is up. Emmy just peed on one side of the sectional couch leaving Paul without a bed. 

2:30-2:40am: Clean couch. (Without waking a FINALLY SLEEPING Emmy Lu) Tell Paul to go sleep back with Tanner.

Just living the dream...

3:30am:Hattie wakes up to nurse. Feed her and put her back to bed.

4:00am: Hear Emmy screech in the living room. Go to her and hope like hell there is no puke involved. There is not. WHEW! Try to console a very sick, very overtired 2 year old before caving in and putting on Curious George.

Thank goodness for cartoons at times like these.

4:19am:Finish blogging while I finally get Emmy to drink the juice with fever reducing medicine in it.

4:22 am: make Emmy's bed and put her in it so she has atleast a small chance of sleeping in.

5:30: My coughing disturbs Hattie's slumber but the 1 hour of sleep was divine!!

5:35 am: Get Hattie back to sleep.

5:45am: Paul's alarm goes off for work. I get up to wish him off to work before sneaking into bed and hoping to squeak out another uninterrupted hour.

7:22 am-Up for the day. The dog needs to be let out. Thankfully, all three children are sleeping still. I think I 'll lay on the couch (the non pee side) for a little bit while I brew some strong coffee.

After a night like mine, I'm sorry well-intentioned older lady. I am not going to "cherish" these moments. I am sick, sleep-deprived, haven't showered in who knows how long, and am the main care provider for three little people who happened to be just as sick and miserable as me (or possible more so).

I'm absolutely aware that there are people out there with real problems, big problems. I am also aware that this is the life I chose. I chose this life, so it's time to suck it up, put on my big girl undies and deal with it. 

That being said, the reality is that it really sucks sometimes. I guarantee no parent looks back and "cherishes" these moments with their children. I am entirely convinced that much like childbirth, the cute, satisfying moments with our children causes amnesia so that those sweet old ladies actually MEAN when they say "cherish every moment, it goes so quickly." They don't remember this junk or if they do look back at it through rose colored lenses.

Because I guarantee if they had just walked the past 12 hours in my shoes, they'd be lookng for a fast forward button too.