Consumed

I realize that ALL of my posts have to do with Tanner and learning how to be a mom, but for right now that is all I really have to write about. I am absolutely consumed by taking care of Tanner and trying to keep my sanity at the same time. I am feeling physically just fine (i felt just fine the week I had him) but emotionally I feel a little crazy. It's not really in a bad way, just a different way. My body and mind are trying to grasp the idea of being a parent and what it means. I love this little man so much yet have no fricken clue what I am doing. I think the learning curve for being a parent is huge. Each day I figure out a new trick or something I can do for myself to give me just a little bit of me time.

This next section may be a little bit TMI about my breasts than anyone might want to know so beware!!

Yesterday was a rough day. Tanner had to go to the doctor because his weight gain was not where it was supposed to be at his 2 week appt. I tried so hard to feed him more frequently, drink GALLONS of water, and pump to build up my milk supply and was pretty disappointed when he had only gained an ounce in 4 days. It seems like one breast is getting more milk that the other and overall it's just not enough. The doctor said that he was getting enough to be satisfied, but NOT to grow as much as they would like to see. I was so bummed since I was so determined to exclusively breastfeed. My psyche is just a little postpartum fragile, so I think I took it a little harder than "normal" Heidi would have. We now have a feeding schedule which consists of feeding on both sides for 15 minutes for one feeding. Then the next feeding I feed only on one side then pump the other and give him a bottle to supplement his diet to make sure he is getting enough. I haven't been able to pump enough breast-milk for the supplemental feedings yet but I do get an ounce or two each time so I mix that with an ounce or two of formula. This cycle continues through out the day AND I have to write down when he eats, for how long, and how much. Just typing that made me realize part of the reason I may be feeling overwhelmed.... It sounds complicated but I am getting into the swing of things. And the bright side is that Paul does all the bottle feedings when he is home so is able to bond and have that time with Tanner too.

I am feeling MUCH better this morning after a MUCH needed shower. (the water went out in our whole town on Thurs due to a broken water line so the Nyquist clan was getting a little stinky. I happy to report the problem seems to be fixed and all 3 of us were able to bath/shower)

We'll get this figured out yet...It just may take us a while. Much like his birth, Tanner isn't the type of guy to make anything simple. I am just thankful he is so mellow.

Here are some pictures of the little guy...Enough to brighten ANYONE'S day!!

PS- I got pooped on last night...I caught it-literally a handful of baby poop but it made for easy clean up!

Here he is actually ENJOYING his swing!!

The beginning of either a baby mullet or rat-tail...Either way Paul is pumped!!