June 14, 2011

Motherly Guilt- a necessary evil??

So far, I have done a pretty good job of avoiding the “motherly guilt” or “parenting guilt” that seems to plague moms and dads these days. 

Are we doing enough? Am I giving enough time/love/attention to our children? Are we doing things right? Should we have done things differently?  Should I stay home more?  Should I work more?  These are all things that I know many parents grapple with as we raise our children. 

Like I said I have been fairly good at having enough confidence in my mothering ability and job so far that I have avoided these feelings of guilt.  I give my all and can feel in the very fiber of my being that I am doing things right for Tanner, my husband and our family.  I feel lucky to have escaped this guilt.


Maybe it is the last few days of pregnancy that are messing with my head, maybe it is the coming of the full moon tomorrow night, maybe it is fear driven, but for some reason I feel guilty that Tanner will not be the center of my world and universe when this baby comes.  I feel guilty that he will no longer be a baby but a BIG brother @ 15 months old.  I feel like I am robbing him of babyhood.  I feel scared that what if, JUST WHAT IF, my heart can’t love two babies like everyone it tells me it can.

I know logically that ALL these things are silly, but my emotions or fear and guilt have consumed me today.  It got me looking into the reasoning behind motherly guilt and made me feel MUCH MUCH better.

I found this today online regarding the guilt a mother feels-

A mother’s guilt stems from an inability to give more of herself, but Jane Adams, speaker, author, and research psychologist, offers another perspective. "Guilt is an internal state that is self-defeating and also self-absorbing," she says. "Guilt is all about you, not the subject of your feelings."

That was all I need to read to SNAP out of it.

Get over myself.

Get a grip.

LET GO of the GUILT.

LET GO of the FEAR.

Tanner will be fine.  Of course my heart will grow enough to love 2 children unconditionally.  Even if I weren’t having another baby right now, Tanner would still not be a '’baby”-he is a developing, talking, exploring toddler.  Tanner and baby will not be competing rather ENRICHING each others lives.  They will be teammates, partners in crime, friends, SIBLINGS.  They will fight, and play and LOVE each other to no end like I love my siblings.  It is going to be great that they will experience life stages together.

So instead of feeling guilt, I now feel a sense of calm self reassurance.

I am doing the right thing.

I am enough.

I can do this.

Neurotic vacation is over…time for a flight back to my reality.


So my verdict is….Motherly guilt does NOT come with the territory.  It is unnecessary and only affects you if you let it.

Live, Love, Relax, Trust and ENJOY!!!

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