Up and running….

Ok so maybe he’s not RUNNING…BUT…He is walking by himself!!  The past two days,Tanner has been getting more and more brave.  He is walking from Mommy to Daddy, and Mommy to the couch, and from chair to chair, etc.  I told him he needed to get walking before the baby came so I guess he WAS listening to me.  He is such a big boy.  Also this week he is mastering eating with his spoon and fork.  Today he had a big bowl of Malt o Meal feeding himself AND his favorite Tator Tot Hotdish for supper..again spooned in by himself.  Videos to come soon.

 

PS…I’m still pregnant.  I’ve been having mild contractions for the past 2 days but nothing to get excited about.  Went for a power walk, cooked a big meal and did some cleaning…trying to stay on my feet and let this baby know he/she can come on out anytime now…I am ready for ‘em!!

Motherly Guilt- a necessary evil??

So far, I have done a pretty good job of avoiding the “motherly guilt” or “parenting guilt” that seems to plague moms and dads these days. 

Are we doing enough? Am I giving enough time/love/attention to our children? Are we doing things right? Should we have done things differently?  Should I stay home more?  Should I work more?  These are all things that I know many parents grapple with as we raise our children. 

Like I said I have been fairly good at having enough confidence in my mothering ability and job so far that I have avoided these feelings of guilt.  I give my all and can feel in the very fiber of my being that I am doing things right for Tanner, my husband and our family.  I feel lucky to have escaped this guilt.

UNTIL NOW.

Maybe it is the last few days of pregnancy that are messing with my head, maybe it is the coming of the full moon tomorrow night, maybe it is fear driven, but for some reason I feel guilty that Tanner will not be the center of my world and universe when this baby comes.  I feel guilty that he will no longer be a baby but a BIG brother @ 15 months old.  I feel like I am robbing him of babyhood.  I feel scared that what if, JUST WHAT IF, my heart can’t love two babies like everyone it tells me it can.

I know logically that ALL these things are silly, but my emotions or fear and guilt have consumed me today.  It got me looking into the reasoning behind motherly guilt and made me feel MUCH MUCH better.

I found this today online regarding the guilt a mother feels-

A mother’s guilt stems from an inability to give more of herself, but Jane Adams, speaker, author, and research psychologist, offers another perspective. "Guilt is an internal state that is self-defeating and also self-absorbing," she says. "Guilt is all about you, not the subject of your feelings."

That was all I need to read to SNAP out of it.

Get over myself.

Get a grip.

LET GO of the GUILT.

LET GO of the FEAR.

Tanner will be fine.  Of course my heart will grow enough to love 2 children unconditionally.  Even if I weren’t having another baby right now, Tanner would still not be a '’baby”-he is a developing, talking, exploring toddler.  Tanner and baby will not be competing rather ENRICHING each others lives.  They will be teammates, partners in crime, friends, SIBLINGS.  They will fight, and play and LOVE each other to no end like I love my siblings.  It is going to be great that they will experience life stages together.

So instead of feeling guilt, I now feel a sense of calm self reassurance.

I am doing the right thing.

I am enough.

I can do this.

Neurotic vacation is over…time for a flight back to my reality.

 

So my verdict is….Motherly guilt does NOT come with the territory.  It is unnecessary and only affects you if you let it.

Live, Love, Relax, Trust and ENJOY!!!

99 times out of 100

99 times out of 100 I will catch Tanner in the act of digging in something, playing, or just plain old exploring like a 15 month old should and ask,

“Whatcha doing??”

This is the look I get. 

It’s his- I’m so cute and couldn’t possibly be doing anything destructive- look.  This morning’s adventure included an open case of Diet Coke and a camera…Oh the possibilities in the world of a toddler.

 

McConnell Maternity Photos

I am not the only one of my friends having a baby this summer.  In fact, I feel like we are in the midst of a never-ending baby boom.  It seemed like a few year ago we were all knee-deep in wedding veils, dresses, reception details, etc… Now we are all preoccupied with diapers, cribs, which brand of bottles to use, etc...  I had the pleasure of taking some maternity pictures for my beautiful friend Ann and her husband, Shane.  They are expecting a little girl on or around July 16th.  This is their first baby and they are both over the moon.  They are such a great couple and I got some really great shots that I hope really capture the pregnancy for them.  Here’s some of my favorites…there were LOTS of good shots so picking which ones to edit was tough…

 

 

 

 

Not to toot my own horn too much but what great pictures huh??  I had lots of fun shooting yesterday and it made me think more seriously about turning this hobby of photography into something more…We’ll see…

Thanks Ann and Shane (and Baby Girl McConnell) for being such great subjects!!!

Maternity Photos

I have been putting this off but today decided I’d better get a some maternity photos of myself.  I really loved the ones I took when I was pregnant with Tanner and although I will never have these out on display in my house, I think it is a really nice keepsake to have of each pregnancy to remember how I looked and felt at full term.  Here are some pictures of me @ 38 weeks and counting… Still feeling great and baby is checking out just fine.  Like I said before I am not one of those moms who wishes their pregnancy to be over because I know I will miss it when it is over.  I am perfectly happy patiently waiting for my little guy or gal to come out whenever they are ready.

 

 

  

MN Summer

We have been LOVING LOVING LOVING this glimpse of MN summer.  Today we even swam in the lake for the first time this year.  Tanner is a water baby and just couldn’t get enough.  It was hot hot hot, sunny and NO wind which is sort of amazing for a big lake like ours.  We spent the afternoon living it up, cleaning the beach and playing in the water.  No wonder Tanner has been taking 3 hour naps every afternoon and sleeping from 8pm-8am…he is one busy boy.  I like to stay busy too…time to start getting this baby thinking about moving out soon :)

Here are some pics I took today:

Out for an afternoon cruise.

Our swimmer guy.

 

Yes…37 1/2 weeks pregnant and I am posting pics of myself in a swimsuit…BRAVE I know.

Playing in the sand.

     

Like I said…STILL and HOT!!  Perfect combo.

 

I have a feeling that even if these “perfect” days are few and far between, I will still have a pretty excellent summer :)

Summer is here

After a VERY LONG winter and spring here in the northland, summer finally showed it’s beautiful face today-complete with enough humidity and heat to make the sleekest hair frizz out.  It even caused this preggo’s so-far rather un-swollen feet take a puffy turn for the worse.  That’s ok though, I’ll take it!!!  Tonight we capped off the summery day with a sunset pontoon ride before Tanner went to bed.  He LOVED it.  “Grandpa La La” even let him drive.  What a lucky little boy.

 

It’s Baby Month

June is officially the month of my due date!!  It is June 24th for those of you who actually give due dates any actual significance.  Me??  I feel like the baby will come whenever he/she wants somewhere between mid June and early July.  I am not a stickler for specifics…but then again, I am pretty laid back.  I am chugging along with my weekly doctors appointments and everything is checking out to be healthy up to this point.  I am so excited and feel very relieved to have carried another sweet baby to full term.  Also being one of “those moms” who LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant, I am not at all wishing this pregnancy to be over anytime soon.  Don’t get me wrong, pregnancy is NOT with out it’s discomforts and inconveniences BUT the pay off is SOOOO worth it.  All I know is that as I looked at my calendar this morning, I think it finally starting to sink in that I will be having a baby this month!!  I am sooooo excited!  Also, trying to keep things as equal as possible for this baby I thought I would write a Dear Baby Letter, much like I did before I met my sweet little Tanner.

Dear Baby-

As I sit here 37 weeks pregnant with you, I still can’t believe that I will get to meet you in a few short weeks (or Less).  I wanted to write you a letter to help express what I am feeling as I anticipate meeting you.  I am excited to see what you look like, what you smell like, and what your sweet little cry will sound like.  I can’t wait to hold you and cuddle you in my arms.  You already have soooooo many people in this world that love you and are just excited as Mommy to meet you.  Daddy is very excited too.  He feels you kick in my belly and smiles every time he can feel you and know you are in there, squirming and trying to stretch out in your ever tightening living quarters.  Being pregnant with you has been a real trip for me.  Daddy and I really wanted another baby and decided to make you.  We were both so excited to find out that our family would be growing from 3 to 4.   I loved hearing your heartbeat for the first time, seeing you squirm around for the ultrasound lady and watching my belly get bigger and bigger with each week.

We don’t know if you are baby boy or a baby girl yet so you do not have a name yet but I know we will be able to pick the perfect name for you after we see your sweet little face.  For now we have been calling you “Deuce” but that for sure will never do.

I am sure you are perfectly comfortable right now inside me but soon the day will come when you will need to meet the world.  I have so many hopes, dreams, and love for you that I cannot even begin to express them but will try.  Baby, I hope you are happy.  I hope you are independent and loving and sweet, and empathetic.  I hope you feel the love that your family has for you and take that love and pass it on.  I know that just by being born you are making my world a better place and I hope you can do the same for many people with whatever special abilities/qualities you develop.  I hope and dream that you love your big brother Tanner and I dream that you will take care of each other, love each other, and hopefully grow to be great friends.

Having you be my second baby, I hope I know more this time around and can use that with you.  I know I will not always be a perfect Mommy but I promise you that I will always try my best and that as long as it is within my power, you will feel and know the love that our family has to give.  I promise to laugh with you, relax with you, let you be you, nurture you,, give you support and, discipline, and more love than you could ever imagine (until you have children of your own someday)  I promise that you will know that you have grandmas and grandpas, and aunt and uncles and cousins and many many more people that love and care about you.

Baby, I know in my heart that I will meet you soon and my heart will grow in ways that I can’t even imagine right now.    There is a special special spot in my heart just waiting to be filled with everything you possess.

With an unconditional and most sincere love-

Mommy

New Favorite Spot

Since moving to the lake we have made a lot of changes/improvements  to an already AWESOME lake house.  However today just might top my charts for my new favorite spot.  My mom and I turned the screen porch into a very useful and comfortable outdoor living space.  Complete with daybed, play area, and 2 hammock chairs that we bought last year at the state fair.  It is such a nice area and I can picture myself sitting out there and nursing/relaxing with “Deuce” while Tanner plays with his tool bench (that just happened to be a side of the road freebie that he loves).  Here are some pictures of my new favorite spot.

The view-

Can’t really see the lake in this pic because of the screen but the sound of the waves is so nice to hear as background noise to our afternoons.

 

JEALOUS????

And just because it is too cute not to post….here is a picture of my favorite naked bird watcher.  His new trick is to stand by the window and pretend to shoot the birds with his finger.  Wonder where he learned that…(THANKS AUNT KRISITI!!!)

Little Boy Buzz Cut

Tanner’s hair was…well…slightly out of control.  I felt like I was cutting it every few weeks and it was still SUPER long.  We’ve been talking about buzz cutting it for the summer but just hadn’t gotten to it yet.  I also didn’t want him to have that “fresh” haircut look when we take family pictures with Deuce soon.  Convinced that this baby it not coming for at least 3 weeks and that his little buzz will be grown out just the right amount by then, we took the plunge and Daddy cut Tanner’s hair yesterday.  He sat there perfectly still letting Daddy just clip away.  We were surprised at how easy it was.  Here are some pictures.  (**NOTE: At one point during the process Tanner had a baby mullet that was soon corrected.**)

       

The finished product!!!  He looks like such a little trouble maker  now…Watch out world!!

1st Burn Out

When he is a 14 year old wild man riding his dirtbike around with Daddy, uncle Nolan, and I'm sure his cousin Caiden-I will remind him that his first burn out was done on a cute little Tinkerbell 4 Wheeler. I will also tell him that if he is not careful, that is EXACTLY where he will end back up-on a cute little Tinkerbell 4 wheeler.

Countdown is on!!

We sold our house!! It was all finalized last Monday and boy do I feel like I can breath a whole lot better now :) It is just a HUGE thing to have off my mind before this baby comes. Also, because I haven't posted a pregnancy picture for a while, here is me today. I was dressed up because I attended 2 baby showers. I was a baby shower hopper today dodging tornadoes and everything to get from point A to point B. I am 35 1/2 weeks along and chugging toward the finish line. My due date is in 1 month!! The countdown is on...can't wait to sit back, relax, and wait for this baby!!!

I’m alive…I swear..Just VERY VERY busy

Where do I even begin.  The first 2 weeks of May have been a crazy storm of reorganizing and redecorating the lake house in preparation for the busy summer of baby, guests, etc.  It has also been a busy two weeks of doctors appointments, job interviews, meetings, and oh yeah…lets not forget the big one-SELLING OUR HOUSE!!!

CABIN:

First let’s start with the lake place improvements- My mother’s day gift was a fenced in play area for Tanner.  Living on a lake with a BIG hill leading down to it, I felt like our little outdoorsman needed a little safe haven of his own..aka a baby cage.  My handy husband measured out, bought and installed a fence around the swing set/play area at the cabin providing a space for Tanner’s toys and a space where he will be safe from sneaking off to the lake in the split second it takes toddlers to sneak away.  In a way it is to make my life easier too.  I know that having a new little one soon, I will have to use all four of my Mom-eyes but even they aren’t always 100% fool proof.   It gives me piece of mind knowing that in the chaotic summer, Tanner has a designated and safe play area complete with swing set and all the outdoor toys a boy could want. (Or at least enough to keep him busy if I have to divert my attention for a newborn baby poopy diaper crisis)

Also at the cabin, we are doing some MAJOR cleaning and reorganizing of the outside, the guest cabin/bar/TV lounge, and the sauna/boat house.  Our slogan is everything has a place and if it doesn’t, then GET RID OF IT!!  I am NOT a pack rat by any way, shape or form so this is a really fun project for me.'

Also, at the cabin there will be a new well being drilled next week.  They stopped by today and surveyed the area and will be digging up the front yard and drilling before we know it :)

JOB STUFF:

Paul will be starting work in the pipe trades beginning in less than 2 weeks.  He just met with the Duluth local 11 pipefitters/steamfitters union and will be starting what should be a really GREAT career for him.  We knew something great would come along.  After multiple interviews and a a less-than-ideal job offer from a different company, I know he is VERY VERY happy to be doing something that will utilize his skills and abilities.  Anyone out there who is looking for work, STAY STRONG and true to what you want to do.  The job market is obviously very tough right now but keep trucking along and something will happen.  It did for us :)

  Also, I will be substitute teaching next year as supplemental income but we are hoping to maintain our one income family in order for me to stay home and do what I really love to do-raise and nurture my children.

SOCIAL STUFF:

The class reunion went off without a hitch at the end of April and  I am glad it is over.  I had lots of fun and love planning stuff but realize that sometimes I bite off more than I can chew.  I vowed that I will not be planning the next one and tried to pawn it off on another willing participant, BUT we’ll see how that goes.  Everyone said how much fun they had.  Maybe we should have done a crappier planning job so people WOULDN’T want us to do it again…hehe.

Another, planning thing I took on was a group Twins event…which is actually tomorrow.  (I really should be sleeping rather than blogging right now)  Nana (my mom) is watching the kids while Paul, me and 23 of our closest friends and family go watch some MN Twins baseball action at Target Field in Minneapolis.  It is always fun to get everyone together and do this every spring.  Last year I got a little rowdy, I have a feeling that being preggo might damper my craziness just a tad.  I am still VERY excited to cheer on the Twins…Hopefully they can actually pull out a win tomorrow-They are having a rough start to their season.

HOUSE:

We found a buyer for our house in Danube!!!  We hadn’t even officially put it on the market and were going to do that this month.  BUT thanks to a friend of ours, we were set up with a couple who had just relocated to the Danube area and were looking to buy…and SOON!!  Long story short, we met them last Monday down in Danube, they loved it, we agreed to contract for deed terms, we packed up/moved ALL of our stuff out on Tuesday, the contract has been drawn up and reviewed by both parties, and we close on this coming MONDAY!!!! 

I can’t even describe the weight that has been lifted off our shoulders.  We were so concerned about being able to sell it and having to maintain it while it was on the market.  As of Monday, we will have no responsibility to the property other than cashing the monthly payment checks and wishing the new owners best of luck.   I am keeping my fingers crossed that the closing goes off without a hitch.  As soon as this paperwork is signed I will be breathing a HUGE sigh of relief.

DEUCE:

WHAT?!?!?!  I’m pregnant?!?!?  I feel like I have hardly had time to breath much less enjoy this pregnancy.  I am 34 weeks along and doing awesome.  After my 6 lb vacation weight gain and my doctor asking me what I had been doing (eating and sitting on my butt..duh!!)  I am happy to report that 5 of the 6 lbs have disappeared-probably due to my hectic schedule and chasing around the area’s cutest 1 year old, and my doctor looked very relieved today at my appointment.  I feel tired but good and am excited to be having this baby in a few weeks.

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So here is to the last two CRAZY weeks or maybe more like MONTHS if you add my vacation and moving and all that jazz…. It is a good thing that I am a person who stays relatively calm in chaos.  Especially since the most recent chaos has been EVERYWHERE around me and my life lately.  I am excited because after we get home from signing our house paperwork on Monday, I plan on RELAXING..Yes I said RELAXING!!!  We have some putzy projects and organizing to finish before memorial day at the lake but nothing compared to the BIG PROJECTS i have bitten off in the last 2-3 weeks.

So that’s what’s up with me…Like I said I here, just very very busy and my blogging has taken a back seat for the time being.  Don’t worry I plan on having back in FULL mamarazzi effect by the time Deuce is here.

Good Night all- time for me to go fall in my bed and sleep (at least until I get a kick in my bladder at about 2am, then again at 4am, etc….They joys of pregnancy :)

Year of the Mother

I know I am at a perfect age to have EVERYONE I know around me having babies.  In honor of mother’s day I thought I would browse my list of facebook friends and do a tally of all my pregnant comrades who are either joining the world of motherhood for the first time OR adding to their families.  I counted 33 people on my list of facebook friends who are pregnant.  These preggos range from high school friends, to old co-workers to college classmates, etc.

33!!!! 

That is a lot of babies and mommas people!  This also does NOT include the countless number of my friends and acquaintances that have already had babies in the last year and those who are waiting for that precious end of the 1st trimester to announce it.

Happy Mother’s Day out there everyone who wears the titles: Mommy, Mama, Mom, Mother, Ma, or Mom-to-be proudly.

I am convinced it is the toughest job in the world because as a mother you are in charge of molding minds, nurturing, loving, discipline,  clean-up, kisses, organizing, refereeing, clothing, bathing, feeding, reading, writing, learning,  teaching life lessons, more kisses, hugs, creating a home, providing security (emotional and otherwise), playing, laughing, MORE KISSES, supporting, letting go, and teaching your children how to LIVE and THRIVE and MORE!!  It’s also not a job that has a retirement date-it is a forever contract with our kids.

  Quite a daunting list if you really look at it.

BUT…

The salary of being a mom is UNBEATABLE- kisses, hugs, cuddles, laughter and pure love outweigh any money in the world!!!

I’ll leave you with my favorite quote about being a mom although I am not sure who I should attribute it to.  Iit goes something like this:

“There is no one way to be a PERFECT mom but a MILLION ways to be a REALLY REALLY good one.”

Here’s to the daily desire to be the best mom I can be and learning from the great mom’s I have in my life, especially my own.

Happy Mother’s Day!!

He WILL walk soon

Tanner is 13 months old and is still mastering the art of walking. I actually think he is just afraid of it. He stands by himself unsupported by anything but just won’t seem to take that first step. His latest and greatest trick is just to sit down whenever he hears the word “walk”, as if to say- “You are not gonna rush me lady, I’ll do this when I want.” This morning at the laundrymat he found a new fun toy that kept him busy the whole time we were there…the laundry cart. Here is video of him practicing walking with the cart. I can’t wait til he can do this unsupported…I don’t know if he realizes that I have another baby coming in less than 2 months and carrying two around on my hip isn’t my idea of the best time. He’ll just do it when he is ready…I am just getting nervous. I should note that his daddy- nicknamed “Putzy Paul” (by me of course) didn’t walk until he was 15 1/2 months old so maybe Tanner is just going to take his sweet time too.